We just set the record for surviving the longest business trip in the history of humankind – OK, maybe it was just the history of our family, but it felt like a loooong time. Allison was in Australia for 15 days; that’s 15 bedtimes, 45 meals, roughly 120 diapers, and 723 bumpies, more or less.
They’ve had entire wars that take only 6 days.
It’s probably harder on Allison than on any of us boys. She’s criss-crossing the continent from Perth to Hobart to Brisbane and all points in between, eating nothing but meat pies, wrestling crocodiles, dodging kangaroos and platypi and god knows what other exotic creatures that populate the Antipodes, while giving dozens of training sessions, keeping up with her everyday job as well, and somehow managing to squeeze in regular skype calls to us back in Shanghai. (I’m not sure if I mentioned that I married well. Did I mention it?) Allison has the long flights and the grinding workload, while I’m at home with the wipes, trying to explain to Kai and Keegan about time zones, the rotation of the earth, how long it is until next Sunday, and why we’re having dinner with Computer Mommy again. Once Kai actually said, “I don’t want computer Mommy, I want real Mommy!” Generally they like seeing her on skype, though, especially if she’s at an airport. Then they get to see the “Big White Airplanes,” which became an obsession for them while Mommy was away. Keegan would see them in the sky (when they were actually there and when they weren’t), reach up and reel them in, because Mommy was on them. Both boys talked about planes constantly, and we read and reread Richard Scarry’s “A Day at the Airport” until I had to retape the spine. Sometimes Allison would skype with us from a hotel room and the boys would choreograph her in short vignettes about jumping on the bed and being tickled. We had several meals with Mommy at the table on my laptop and the boys trying to get her to taste a bite of their yogurt or mac and cheese through the screen.
A word about skype, by the way – it is the single greatest invention since fire, and if you’re not using it, put down your stone tools, move out of your cave in Lascaux and give it a try. Seriously, if you ever watched the Jetsons and said, “yeah, right,” skype is for you – it’s like something from the Jetsons. Free video conferencing worldwide, for no money, without paying. Also, it is FREE. (Yeah, you can pay for some stuff if you want to, but the video conferencing is free.) What are you waiting for? You are sitting at a computer, right? Just relax, don’t fight it, click on this, and then send me your skype name. You’ll feel so peaceful . . .
But back to the boys . . . yes, they really missed their mommy, but we also had some very sweet, cozy bonding time, playing with our Thomas the Train set, turning into monkeys and stegosauruses together, making banana bread, singing bedtime songs . . . At one point Allison and I had seriously thought about my flying down to meet her for part of this Australia trip, and having Grammy or another family member be here with the boys. I’m now sure we did the right thing in having me stay here, because the boys have needed some help adjusting to going to school. Kai goes to preschool in the mornings now, and even Keegan goes for three hours, three days a week. They both seem to be taking to it quite well, but there are mornings when they don’t really see the wisdom of changing out of their pajamas. Kai asked me every day for the first couple of weeks, “Is this a school day, Daddy?”, and one day when I said yes, he asked, “Why, Daddy? Why do we GO to school? Why school all the days now?” That was an interesting discussion. The boys are used to variety. For as long as they remember, I’ve been mixing it up – museum day, zoo day, park day, shopping day, etc. Kai was bummed that I seemed to have run out of tricks. So we’re still getting used to the idea. One of our strategies is having them pick out their own clothes for the next day, so we can talk about what’s coming. And more and more, we’re trying to have them do things by themselves, like breaking their own eggs, putting on their shoes, dressing themselves. We have varying degrees of success of course, and it's messier and slower, but it’s fascinating to watch them try to deal with these puzzles. Let’s say you’re a bright, imaginative almost-2 year old, or a 3 year old, and you don’t have a lot of experience putting on clothes solo. Somebody hands you a shirt. Where do you start? Why not put the neck part straight onto your neck? Only an idiot would put the big belly part over their head first, right? Naturally we break down the steps a bit more than this, but still, seeing them figure these things out, and realizing that we all somehow figured them out so long ago that we don’t even know we did it, is an interesting process.
Allison has been back a week now and the boys, and all of us, are in a good rhythm. I don’t know if they’ve forgotten that she was away for two weeks, but they’re happy. Me, I’m over the moon, and grateful to have my wife and my best friend back. Seriously, I do not have any idea how single parents do it, day in and day out, year in and year out. Wow, just wow. If you know a single mom or a single dad, and you probably do, go over to her or his house, drop off a delicious, homemade lasagna, sheetpan-sized, and maybe a massage gift certificate or two. Then get the hell out of there before they hand you a diaper.
Just a couple of nights ago at dinner, Allison and I realized that it was one year to the day since we came to Shanghai. On a mid-September night last year, we arrived naive, bleary-eyed, and strung out on airline wonton noodles, in the lobby of the Somerset Xu Hui serviced apartments, with a mound of luggage and two carseats chock full of comatose babies. The smaller of the bundles couldn’t even walk or talk at the time; now he corrects his mother’s pronunciation of “stygimoloch”. Keegan has now spent half his life in China, and Kai is well on his way. We’ve come a long way together, and I am grateful every day for my family, and the great adventures life is taking us on.
Oh, I almost forgot to say “Zhong Qiu Jie Kuai Le” to everybody! Yeah, it’s Mid-Autumn Festival once again; I’ve never understood how it could be mid-Autumn before Autumn officially starts, but I guess it’s different when you count by the moon. Which reminds me, we have plenty of extra moon cakes around the house, so feel free to stop by, bean-paste lovers! Come on, you know you want one . . .
Photo and Video Lovers’ Corner
